You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Randomize
