Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
did you just send me my own nude
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
