guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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