genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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