Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
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If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
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Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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