Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
