Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
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