And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
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