bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
