the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
