Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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