so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
