Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
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So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
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I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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