i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
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We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
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