it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
