Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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