Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
