Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
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