what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
