And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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