I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
