my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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