Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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