So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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