i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
