Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
