I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
