My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
