I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
