He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I just want to make out with him forever
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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