Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
