Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
