She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Dicks are not precious.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
