I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
