Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
