Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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