ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
