i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
