The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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