WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
