Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
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He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
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I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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