between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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