Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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