butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
we're chasing vodka with high fives
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit