from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
