Texts From Last Night

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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad

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  (856): Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad http://tfl.nu/fp7i
  Replies (70) Good night (875) Bad night (3611)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?

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  (304): ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to? http://tfl.nu/yov7
  Replies (25) Good night (968) Bad night (2767)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing

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  (610): just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing http://tfl.nu/xxuk
  Replies (19) Good night (967) Bad night (8552)
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?

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  (540): Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift? http://tfl.nu/ixd3
  Replies (53) Good night (1819) Bad night (5779)
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later

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  (706): Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later http://tfl.nu/a02r
  Replies (26) Good night (7701) Bad night (2057)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once

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  (860): it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once http://tfl.nu/6yr8
  Replies (9) Good night (4182) Bad night (870)
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows

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  (631): You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows http://tfl.nu/rci2
  Replies (44) Good night (4615) Bad night (2846)
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.

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  (904): my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower. http://tfl.nu/bnhm
  Replies (10) Good night (3848) Bad night (1118)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.

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  (317): hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room. http://tfl.nu/qubv
  Replies (14) Good night (769) Bad night (2288)
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set

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  (702): By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set http://tfl.nu/1rax
  Replies (12) Good night (1378) Bad night (903)
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...

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  (561): You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day... http://tfl.nu/6lgs
  Replies (20) Good night (4312) Bad night (652)
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.

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  (601): Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams. http://tfl.nu/r18a
  Replies (8) Good night (334) Bad night (658)
• Favorite

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.

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  (225): Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into. http://tfl.nu/6a63
  Replies (3) Good night (573) Bad night (342)
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...

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  (210): Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you... http://tfl.nu/i3t4
  Replies (0) Good night (433) Bad night (257)
• Favorite

  (276): View more from Virginia

  my poor anus

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  (276): my poor anus http://tfl.nu/2t3b
  Replies (10) Good night (240) Bad night (608)

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