no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
