How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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