He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
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