if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
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He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
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michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
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