My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
