So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
