Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize