you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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