I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Randomize
