i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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