I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize